The office Christmas party season is upon us, when many of us drink too much, get too honest and generally embarrass ourselves.
So as you prepare for your Christmas party ask yourself which one of the following characters do you recognise from the following usual suspects??…Or maybe one of them is you!
When the drinks start flowing and things become more ‘relaxed’ this person is not your friend. In the good old days your drunken antics could be denied, buried and forgotten, but these days your misdemeanors are captured in 20 megapixel full HD!
This camera sneak starts innocently enough with a “Hey, group photo” or wrapping their arm round you and screaming “SELFIE”.
But as the night deteriorates they become more sinister.
Whatever is happening their phone is in their hand pointing directly at it…Making sure you relive your shame over and over again.
And for good measure these days they upload it to Facebook at the tap of a screen, so your family and friends outside of work can enjoy your shame too.
This is a work party.
And this character definitely puts the emphasis on ‘work’.
This is an opportunity to show the MD how interesting they are. How refined you are in your menu choices, music tastes demonstrating how brilliantly you could navigate business lunches with the top clients. Given the chance.
They are worthy of that promotion, they belong by their bosses side and the best way to prove this is to be at your bosses side…All night.
Switching seat places, offering to help them carry drinks from the bar, even synchronizing toilet visits. Wherever the boss goes this person is by their side telling them what a great party this is and what a great company this is to work for.
They know hard work and dedication isn’t enough, the real moves are made over a Bacardi Breezer and beats of Bruno Mars!
There is something about these guys that feel like the night just isn’t moving quickly enough. Before you’ve barely sipped your opening drink of the night they’re screaming ‘SHOTS!”
Anyone that declines is immediately decreed a ‘party pooper’ or ‘lightweight’ and promptly delivered a shot anyway.
Money seems to be no obstacle to these guys, from Jaeger Bombs to flaming Sambuca’s they keep on coming. It’s relentless! Those little glasses are slammed on the table everyone is directed to “knock them back in one” perfectly in sync with military precision.
But the very worst thing about these people is their incredible appetite for these liquid delights. They can drink them like water. While for you, the room is spinning and vomiting is a very real possibility, they’re at the bar asking the barman for ten shots of the really strong stuff.
Says it like it is
In the weeks leading up to the night of your Christmas party this one will have been telling everyone how they “don’t want to go to the party”.
But they do.
And they slowly get drunk.
And then it happens.
Suddenly everybody needs to know exactly what you think of them.
Something about alcohol and seeing colleagues outside of work hours brings out the brutal honesty in these people.
Everything they’ve been bottling up over the years absolutely has to be addressed in this restaurant/pub/nightclub.
At the very least it’s an embarrassing apology on Monday morning, at the worst, it’s explaining to your MD why you actually don’t really have a great suggestion where he can “shove his job”.
Brakes are off
These ones don’t get out a lot, but when they do they are going to enjoy it!
They get there early because they can’t wait to get started.
And when the night is coming to a close and most people are thinking about trains and taxis home, this one is thinking where the nearest nightclub is. They’ll be desperate for partners in crime on this endeavor and bemoan those that just want to get home.
“The night is young” they’ll yell at an hour that is really too late to be yelling anything. Then, whether alone or with similar thinking colleagues, they’ll head off on a mission to squeeze a few more drinks into their night.
When everyone else is tucked up asleep this one will not be giving up despite being politely asked by nightclub bouncers to “drink up” as they “are closing”.
Huddled up in the cold of a December taxi rank at four in the morning when all anyone else can think about is warm beds, this one will turn round and say…
“Back to mine for a nightcap?”